WHY CHOOSE TO BE A SINGLE PARENT?
In 1960, it was reported that the total number of children living in fatherless families were fewer than 8 million children. Today that total has risen to 24 million children. Nearly four out of ten children in America are being raised in homes without the presence of their father.
We all know that the traditional family is made up of the father and mother, or the father, mother and children or child as the case may be. However, in so many countries of the world today, there is what is called 'single parenthood', that is when a lady or rarely when a man chooses to raise a child or more without the mother.
Never mind the use of the word 'chooses' in defining single parenting as if it is all the time a matter of personal choice. No, there are several unintended causes for single parenting, it could be the death of a partner, divorce case and as a result of early pregnancy out of wedlock.
Single parenting is not as easy and comfortable as it seems, it demands a lot of energy and time, because the single parent plays his or her supposed role as a father or mother in the family, and also plays the role of the other missing parent in the family which he or she may not perfectly carry out as nature demands it.
Then why do some people still CHOOSE to single parent even when they knew that it wouldn't be an easy task?, well, that's not our problem here for now, whatever their intention is, let's look at what they obviously didn't put into consideration before choosing to be the only Adam or Eve in the Garden.
In the traditional family, the mother plays a very significant role in the initial upbringing and socialization of the child. The mother doesn't only form and nurture the baby in the womb during pregnancy, she also initiates the child to the human relationship by breast feeding, providing body warmth, eye to eye contact, sound stimulation and by offering comfort to the child when distressed.
When the mother showers love and care to the child, the child naturally learns how to show love and reciprocates in tiny ways through smiles, leg kicking, hand raising and giggling. The more consistent the love shown, the more the child desires more and more of the mother.
A mother was quoted as saying ''A baby craves nothing less than the whole of its mother, her arms, her body and her milk, after all, the baby then takes the sleep from its mother's eyes.'' You know this is true, I mean if you're a mother am sure you could relate to that. That's how beautiful nature made the mother-child relationship to be, so nobody should on purpose deny that from a child.
A child who looses the mother, or lacks mother's close attention and love during the first three years of the child's birth without any adequate substitute such as the grand mother or a very close loving relation, is likely to be maladjusted.
The child in later life, precisely at adolescence, is likely not to adapt to the rules and demands of both the immediate family and the society at large. Such child may not put up acceptable behaviors. The possibility of flouting rules and regulations is likely to be high.
The first three years of the child is very crucial and critical in the socialization of the child into the human community, that's why it is very important that the child's mother be around at this first phase of the child's development. But after six years, the child may, to an extend, relax the extreme grip on mother and begin to assert some relative independence.
The role and importance of the mother in the family could never be over emphasized. The mother does not only take care of the children, she takes care of the husband and the chores, in addition to these responsibilities, she may be an employee, a trader, contractor, farmer, whatever her job is, she tries to keep both the job and the family going.
This could be the reason why some single mothers pretend to have stayed off from multitasking themselves, especially when they the mother after taking care of everybody in the family is left without anyone to care for them and with no rewards save for the missed sleep and some missed opportunities, as a result of pregnancy and the intensive care of the family.
But for Esther(a mother of two), a mother's reward includes ''the occasional smile you get, the sweet 'Thank you Mommy,' and the warm hugs, these are the fuel that keeps the mother going.'' They can also be the measure of mother's commitment and care in the upbringing of the child.
Some mothers are heard lamenting in pains, perhaps after the torture from their husbands, ''but for these children, I would have left your house for you!''
Caring and loving mothers never leave, no matter how severe the torture, the pains of marriage; they keep on bearing, tolerating just for the child to be adjusted in order to succeed in school and in life. But can the child be adjusted without the contributions of the father?.
It is doubtful in most cases. The father is an indispensable partner in raising an adjusted child. How does the father goes about this?.
While mother is pregnant, the modern father ensures that she is not stressed. He renders help in cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning up and forgets the traditional belief that these are the sole duties of a woman. He ensures that mother is well fed and happy at this stage because some of the negative emotional reactions of the mother affects the child in the womb.
A caring father spends quite sometime at home, particularly after work in the evening and at weekends to relax with members of the family, to carry the child, to talk to it, even at the tender age when it is supposed that the child does not understand.
Actually, the child is sensitive and begins to recognize father's voice, and smiles at it. As the child grows, father buys petty things for the child, like toys, biscuits or sweets when he returns home from work.
As mother wins over the child from birth by nurturing it in her womb, offering continuous contact and tender care, the father on the other hand has to work psychologically to attract and win the child's respect and love by being physically present during the first three to six years of the child's birth, playing with the child, calling the child a pet name, patiently listening to the child's petty complaints and offering suggestions, giving security and protection to the child.
By these father's calculated efforts, the child looks forward favorably to father's return whenever he travels out. Love is reciprocated to father from the child when he or she looks forward to father's return, and on arrival rushes to receive him happily.
The girl that loves father develops some attachments to her loving father and would caution those who harass her ''When daddy returns I will tell him,'' on father's return she tells father those who hurt her. She makes demand from daddy, sings for him, and virtually tells him every need of hers " daddy I want to drink water,'' ''look at my new hair do, my shoes, my dress'' ''Daddy I want to go out with you''. Virtually the little girl wants to be around daddy whenever the opportunity arises.
A father who does not share the above intimate relationship with his daughter particularly from the ages of three to six, does not seem to have stimulated enough affection in his daughter. A father who loves and cares for his daughter and aids her to become well adjusted, has successfully groomed her for her future husband and for a successful marriage.
But a girl who grows up without the father and with no adequate replacement, tends to be rebellious and promiscuous. For her, it may be a herculean task to manage a husband and a family in future.
In like manner, a boy who loves the father tends to respect and obey him, and importantly models him. That is, in private he does some of the things father does. For instance, if father stretches his legs on the central table while sitting on the cushion relaxing, the child plays this in absence of the father, laughing over it.
If girls experience the love, attention and protection of fathers, then they are likely to resist the temptation of seeking such elsewhere through casual sexual relations at a very young age.
Fathers are important in helping children make the difficult transition to adult world. Boys require the affirmation that they are ''man enough''. Girls require the affirmation that they are ''worthy enough''. So it very crucial that both parents cooperate in the upbringing of the child to ensure that the child is well adjusted.
While in this post we tried pointing out some of the disadvantages of single parenting and its impact on children from such families, we are not directly, at least, discouraging single parents from carrying out their obligations as a parent or from giving up hope of becoming a successful single parent.
It should be noted that not all children raised by single parents develop certain behavioral disorders, or eventually end up in jail, once your responsibilities as a parent are carried out devotedly by applying the proper disciplinary measures, the results are mostly inevitably wonderful and miraculous, after-all the renowned American neurosurgeon, Benjamin Carson was raised by a single mother.
We all know that the traditional family is made up of the father and mother, or the father, mother and children or child as the case may be. However, in so many countries of the world today, there is what is called 'single parenthood', that is when a lady or rarely when a man chooses to raise a child or more without the mother.
Never mind the use of the word 'chooses' in defining single parenting as if it is all the time a matter of personal choice. No, there are several unintended causes for single parenting, it could be the death of a partner, divorce case and as a result of early pregnancy out of wedlock.
Single parenting is not as easy and comfortable as it seems, it demands a lot of energy and time, because the single parent plays his or her supposed role as a father or mother in the family, and also plays the role of the other missing parent in the family which he or she may not perfectly carry out as nature demands it.
Then why do some people still CHOOSE to single parent even when they knew that it wouldn't be an easy task?, well, that's not our problem here for now, whatever their intention is, let's look at what they obviously didn't put into consideration before choosing to be the only Adam or Eve in the Garden.
In the traditional family, the mother plays a very significant role in the initial upbringing and socialization of the child. The mother doesn't only form and nurture the baby in the womb during pregnancy, she also initiates the child to the human relationship by breast feeding, providing body warmth, eye to eye contact, sound stimulation and by offering comfort to the child when distressed.
When the mother showers love and care to the child, the child naturally learns how to show love and reciprocates in tiny ways through smiles, leg kicking, hand raising and giggling. The more consistent the love shown, the more the child desires more and more of the mother.
A mother was quoted as saying ''A baby craves nothing less than the whole of its mother, her arms, her body and her milk, after all, the baby then takes the sleep from its mother's eyes.'' You know this is true, I mean if you're a mother am sure you could relate to that. That's how beautiful nature made the mother-child relationship to be, so nobody should on purpose deny that from a child.
A child who looses the mother, or lacks mother's close attention and love during the first three years of the child's birth without any adequate substitute such as the grand mother or a very close loving relation, is likely to be maladjusted.
The child in later life, precisely at adolescence, is likely not to adapt to the rules and demands of both the immediate family and the society at large. Such child may not put up acceptable behaviors. The possibility of flouting rules and regulations is likely to be high.
The first three years of the child is very crucial and critical in the socialization of the child into the human community, that's why it is very important that the child's mother be around at this first phase of the child's development. But after six years, the child may, to an extend, relax the extreme grip on mother and begin to assert some relative independence.
The role and importance of the mother in the family could never be over emphasized. The mother does not only take care of the children, she takes care of the husband and the chores, in addition to these responsibilities, she may be an employee, a trader, contractor, farmer, whatever her job is, she tries to keep both the job and the family going.
This could be the reason why some single mothers pretend to have stayed off from multitasking themselves, especially when they the mother after taking care of everybody in the family is left without anyone to care for them and with no rewards save for the missed sleep and some missed opportunities, as a result of pregnancy and the intensive care of the family.
But for Esther(a mother of two), a mother's reward includes ''the occasional smile you get, the sweet 'Thank you Mommy,' and the warm hugs, these are the fuel that keeps the mother going.'' They can also be the measure of mother's commitment and care in the upbringing of the child.
Some mothers are heard lamenting in pains, perhaps after the torture from their husbands, ''but for these children, I would have left your house for you!''
Caring and loving mothers never leave, no matter how severe the torture, the pains of marriage; they keep on bearing, tolerating just for the child to be adjusted in order to succeed in school and in life. But can the child be adjusted without the contributions of the father?.
It is doubtful in most cases. The father is an indispensable partner in raising an adjusted child. How does the father goes about this?.
While mother is pregnant, the modern father ensures that she is not stressed. He renders help in cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning up and forgets the traditional belief that these are the sole duties of a woman. He ensures that mother is well fed and happy at this stage because some of the negative emotional reactions of the mother affects the child in the womb.
A caring father spends quite sometime at home, particularly after work in the evening and at weekends to relax with members of the family, to carry the child, to talk to it, even at the tender age when it is supposed that the child does not understand.
Actually, the child is sensitive and begins to recognize father's voice, and smiles at it. As the child grows, father buys petty things for the child, like toys, biscuits or sweets when he returns home from work.
As mother wins over the child from birth by nurturing it in her womb, offering continuous contact and tender care, the father on the other hand has to work psychologically to attract and win the child's respect and love by being physically present during the first three to six years of the child's birth, playing with the child, calling the child a pet name, patiently listening to the child's petty complaints and offering suggestions, giving security and protection to the child.
By these father's calculated efforts, the child looks forward favorably to father's return whenever he travels out. Love is reciprocated to father from the child when he or she looks forward to father's return, and on arrival rushes to receive him happily.
The girl that loves father develops some attachments to her loving father and would caution those who harass her ''When daddy returns I will tell him,'' on father's return she tells father those who hurt her. She makes demand from daddy, sings for him, and virtually tells him every need of hers " daddy I want to drink water,'' ''look at my new hair do, my shoes, my dress'' ''Daddy I want to go out with you''. Virtually the little girl wants to be around daddy whenever the opportunity arises.
A father who does not share the above intimate relationship with his daughter particularly from the ages of three to six, does not seem to have stimulated enough affection in his daughter. A father who loves and cares for his daughter and aids her to become well adjusted, has successfully groomed her for her future husband and for a successful marriage.
But a girl who grows up without the father and with no adequate replacement, tends to be rebellious and promiscuous. For her, it may be a herculean task to manage a husband and a family in future.
In like manner, a boy who loves the father tends to respect and obey him, and importantly models him. That is, in private he does some of the things father does. For instance, if father stretches his legs on the central table while sitting on the cushion relaxing, the child plays this in absence of the father, laughing over it.
If girls experience the love, attention and protection of fathers, then they are likely to resist the temptation of seeking such elsewhere through casual sexual relations at a very young age.
Fathers are important in helping children make the difficult transition to adult world. Boys require the affirmation that they are ''man enough''. Girls require the affirmation that they are ''worthy enough''. So it very crucial that both parents cooperate in the upbringing of the child to ensure that the child is well adjusted.
While in this post we tried pointing out some of the disadvantages of single parenting and its impact on children from such families, we are not directly, at least, discouraging single parents from carrying out their obligations as a parent or from giving up hope of becoming a successful single parent.
It should be noted that not all children raised by single parents develop certain behavioral disorders, or eventually end up in jail, once your responsibilities as a parent are carried out devotedly by applying the proper disciplinary measures, the results are mostly inevitably wonderful and miraculous, after-all the renowned American neurosurgeon, Benjamin Carson was raised by a single mother.
WHY CHOOSE TO BE A SINGLE PARENT?
Reviewed by Anonymous
on
January 02, 2018
Rating:
Reviewed by Anonymous
on
January 02, 2018
Rating:
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