Facts and fallacies about problem kids(advice for new parents).

 

    All children occasionally worry their parents. Some won't eat, a few won't sleep. Some go through phases when they won't play with other children, refuse to go to school, seem dogged by irrational fears or become accident prone(this suggests autistic behavior: see your doctor to learn more about autistic kids).

In fact, most problems are quite normal. And most can be solved, or at least be avoided by a little common sense and expert guidance.

A child who won't eat should not be forced
    The child who refuses food should be treated in a calm and relaxed manner rather than bullied. If the child refuses to eat, simply take the food away and wait until the next meal time before offering another food. That's the suggestion of an expert who says that many parents worry unduly about the child who is a 'poor eater'. '' A child may be conditioned against eating because of the constant bullying, browbeating, threats and punishments he has come to associate with meal times'' he says. ''If a child discovers that his mother is extremely anxious about his appetite or about his taking a particular food-stuff, he will refuse it. If he can get the whole house hold to revolve about his appetite he would enjoy it anyway.

    Many mothers, of course, fear that the child will starve to death and therefore should be force-fed for his own good.'' This is never likely to happen in case of an otherwise healthy and normal child, say doctors''. The simplest way to make a fussy child eat is to use patience and perseverance. Also, find out if they have refused to eat for a medical reason and visit a doctor.

Kids must learn to face their fears(family therapy)
      Not necessarily. Nearly all children have some irrational fear or other. According to a university survey, one child in five is frightened of many animals like Lions, tiger, snakes, spiders, beetles, even dogs and cats. Other fears include ghosts, being alone or abandoned and other spooky things.
     A parent's first problem in dealing with a child's fear is finding out about it. Many children keep their real fear to themselves and blame their nervousness on something else. but once discovered, say the experts, a parent should listen and try to understand.

 Never scold or ridicule. Please avoid saying ''Don't be silly...'', it may seem silly to you, it's very real indeed to your child.

What to do: If the child is afraid of the dark, don't make him sweat it out hoping he will grow out of it. Take him round the room in the light, make sure he knows where the lights switch are, check that other lamps are not throwing creepy shadows on the walls. Be as reassuring as possible. If that fails don't try to force him to face it.

     Let me tell you a secret that works for me. Get a lamp that you can adjust the brightness, reduce the brightness every night before you put the main lights out so he won't notice, let it go dim until you observe the child getting over the fear, eventually you may get to put out the light completely. Bravo!, you made it.

    You can also try positive reconditioning, for example, if your child is terrified of large dogs, don't insist that he pats the next one you see as you watch encouragingly. Instead, introduce lovable large dogs into his reading manner, let him watch other children playing with dogs. Do it gradually. But whatever you do, don't expect your child to face his fears totally alone, if he is to overcome it gradually and naturally, he needs your help. This will really help in your child's development.

Breaking things in the house.
     Now, that is unacceptable you would say. When your child starts breaking valuable things in the house know he is a real problem child. But here is something you should do. Show him that you understand the message he is trying to put through, by sitting him down for a talk as you would do an adult.
    Get to know his anger, why he is seeking for your attention by breaking things in the house. It could be a message telling you that he needs you in his life and you weren't there, so he decides to break valuable things to show you he's worth more. Make it up to him by promising to be there or provide his needs as the case may be. Keep to your promise to avoid more damages and mistrust on his part.
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