Parental Favoritism: When a child is loved more than others.

 

Favoritism is a rare word we use at home, but surprisingly it is a common practice in different homes that has been given less attention and consideration.

A survey carried out by experts involving 127 college students and 62 of their siblings(18-32 yrs), showed 65% reports of parental differential treatment in different homes and 24% reports of non occurrence rate.

This stats shows how serious, yet unattended playing favorites in the family destroys individuals in our society, and the effects always result to the less loved kid growing up feeling all depressed and dejected.

Victims of favoritism in the family speak not much of it, but acts more on it, for the damages are not usually felt at the initial stage when the victims are tender and all round dependent on their parents both emotionally and financially. But what happens when Karma turns right around to strike and destroy the family's once imagined peace.

This happens when the less favoured and cared for now reaches maturity, then would it be too late to say sorry or make amendments for love lost and denied.

It is only supposed that parents should love all of their children equally but accordingly, and it is also only natural that sometimes a child is given more love, attention and support than the rest in the family.

   When I said that parent should love their children equally but accordingly, accordingly I mean in the sense that an exception could be made for less naturally and psychologically endowed child. A child who is mentally, physically, emotionally and medically unstable, surely needs extra love and attention and that is not favoritism, it is understandable.

When favoritism becomes unacceptable and an abuse, is when it is founded on irrational sentiments and attachments. Loving one child particularly is an abuse inevitable.

   Sometimes parents who play favorites never had to think of the pain inflicted on the less loved child because it is always assumed that they are just kids and so wouldn't understand the dirty game being played on them. Never underestimate the intuitive power of children, they know about it, they do feel the pain and may not forget it in a flash in later years.

   Experts say that scars of favoritism mostly causes old age abandonment by children. Parents after training their children expect to be looked after and cared for at old age only to be abandoned by their children or child, all because care wasn't taken by such parents to address favoritism earlier.

Reasons why parents play favorites in the family:-
   A parent when asked why love a child more than the other said ''I really don't know, maybe because she is prettier than her sister.''

 Well, that reason is not far from other parents' reasons for abusing their children. Let's look at some of the reasons that fuel favoritism in the family.

1. Husband and wife's relationship not solid, so they pick a child each unknowingly to replace the void their lack of communication has created.

2. A child could be favored more by the parents because of facial resemblance. For instance, when a child looks more like the mother, the mother takes him or her selfishly as the favorite.

3. When a particular child shows great intelligence and talent than the other who seems rather dull and untalented.

4. When a child reminds any of the parents of a cherished deceased relation, either by physical looks or by behavior.

5. When a child is the only male or female issue amongst the opposite sex.

6. When a child loves and appreciates either of the parents loudly and particularly than the other child or children who appreciate both parents equally.

Effects of favoritism on the unfavoured and favoured:
   There are many tales on the aftermath of parental differential treatment which all starts with a reminiscence on the terrible old days and usually ends with a regret, a forgiving note or worst, with a word of vengeance. There is always the tendency that:

➤ The less loved grows up with a negative self view, feeling like a failure, owing to the numerous negative things said about them which they unconsciously believe to be true, because they all came from the very people whom they trust(i.e the parents).

➤ The loved one grows up surrounded with an air of superiority over the less loved, distorting the supposed natural love that exists between siblings.

➤ Some parents go the extreme of telling the less loved to the face that he or she is ugly, useless, unintelligent, cold, unsocial and stupid, consequently the less loved grows up resenting the family that abused him or her.

➤ Experts also say that these dynamics(cases of favoured and unfavoured) may also be repeated in the subsequent generations of that family.

➤ The children gets into unhealthy competition which may further shatter the family.

What to do as a parent:
   If both parents are not infected with the disease of favoritism in the family, one should be courageous enough to voice it out, even when it may result to a one hour dispute, let it happen, at least save the life of the unfavoured today and be glad you did so tomorrow. For the sake of your family put a stop to it.

Parents should not sit back and say ''oh, at last I wouldn't have to bother about Tony anymore, since the father or mother got his back.'' No, it doesn't work that way, trust me I have already tried it *winks*.

   Let the unfavoured child know too that someone got their back, that they are not alone. But don't begin to take sides, love all equally but accordingly and also let them know that they are also loved by the other parent who shows less love, just that the parent is blinded by something which needs to be addressed, for favoritism is sometimes practiced consciously and unconsciously, for known and unknown reasons.