Say Something Before You Choke: Dealing with infidelity in marriage

   I read in some magazine the other day that women hair dressing salons are becoming psychiatrist couch, somewhere to get it off your chest. Unlike the writer, I think it is a good thing. Unfortunately some women are afraid to discuss their problems with anyone, fearing that they are alone, and could be ridiculed by others if they say a word of what they suffer at home. Only one person need to speak up about what she goes through and before you know it, secrets that sound like pages out of peyton place are offloaded and those unending tales of misery all sound alike as if from the same author.

   This is how the  inner transformation begins, from hair dressing saloons, they go home with not just a new hairstyle, but a completely new outlook on life.

Cases of infidelity in marriage by both men and women in our society have become a daily occurrence that we both silently and vocally wish it wouldn't happen when we listen to young couples pronouncing the marriage vows, yet we unknowingly prepare our minds to receive the news whenever it comes.

 Infidelity in marriage is no news in our society, but the degree and manner with which some 'amphibious men'(married and single) handle infidelity is one that can be hardly condoned with.

   Few husbands when confronted with an accusation of unfaithfulness, you would expect him to deny it at first maybe, then later becomes terribly  apologetic and make some efforts to heal the wound. But most husbands when accused of infidelity in marriage, what you are likely to get is ''so what about it?''. And assuming there is no more need to attempt being secretive about his affair he will flaunt the woman at the wife, in that ' if you don't like it, you know what to do.'

   I always admire women in situation like this, for the marvelous way in which they seem to cope. Their apparent broad mindedness always creates a feeling of inadequacy in me. Often, I longed for their secret, hoping that I too could develop the 'I don't give a damn attitude', which appears at the moment to be the only solution to the problem.

However my hopes have been shattered so many times when I see women turning green with jealousy at the slightest hint that their man has a new girlfriend.

   No matter how unpossessive women appear to be, and how easily they seem to accept the new rival, the real truth of the matter is, they cannot cope and consequently crack up under the guilty feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence. They hate to admit that it has happened to them, hence the reason why they must give the impression that theirs is the happiest home. 

   But most importantly they are a small group of women who prefer to call a spade a spade, and recognize the situation for what it is. That is why they are not ashamed to sit in hair dressing salons, on social media forums, available women right organizations and admit that they are having a lousy time and that is exactly what most women are having right now. Yet they cease from speaking out, in order to avoid being laughed at for having a faulty marriage maybe.

   Marital situation are beginning to seem more like prisons rather than a love nest and some women are beginning to feel contempt for a set-up that takes away all she is and gives her so little in return.

Generally it is believed that it is the single girl living alone who is most lonely, but today most married women will admit  how much they envy single girls.

There can be nothing worse than feeling totally alone even when there are people around you, but you don't seem to feel their presence.

 I have heard it is said that there is much fun in being a man's girlfriend or 'side chick' than being his wife. A true statement that could not be. But one lady went even further to say, ''I would have been better off as a prostitute than the respectable married woman I am.'' She is one of the most fortunate, with a husband, two sons, two daughters and a nice house. So why is she so envious to such an extreme?. 

   ''As a prostitute I would have more money, more company and more sex, after all I have to go through, my husband gives me much less than what is truly a house keeping allowance. Since I work he gives me nothing for myself. He is always out till very late at night, so most of the time I am deprived of the company of a man.'' she added. Maybe this is related in a very crude way but when you feel the way this woman feels there is no point in being nice about it.

   Sometimes one can get lonely to such a point of desperation you could do anything just because it is something to do, except that there is not much one can do and a limit to how many books one can read.

It is generally believed that those known as the 'side chicks' are to be pitied because they do not have husbands or regular men around all the time. But compare their situation to that of the married women and see who the loser is.

   The married woman is left at home all the time whilst her husband goes to places married women are forbidden. She has few friends but their husband does not consider it decent for her to go out with girls who might mislead her, and as far as going out alone and coming back when she feels like, it is absolutely forbidden with a great deal of suspicion hanging over it heavily.

   The 'side chicks' definitely has all the fun, they have three or four boyfriends and from the money they collect from each one they could afford to live in lavishly furnished flats, wear expensive clothes and jewelry, travel around, all without having to work.

   The poor house wife can hardly afford all these luxuries being so busy trying to make ends meet. Whatever money her husband has is spent on other women trying to impress them with his wealth.

The so called 'side chick' wishing to secure her future can have one to three children by different men and the allowance collected from each father affords her the luxurious living indefinitely. They have company all the time as they are allowed entry in almost every social happening, their abode sometimes become the center of fun and entertainment.

   So when you  think about it which is better; to be married or to be single?. I know one thing, a lot of married women are having to come off the pedestal and realize that this is a general pattern rather than a personal mishap, the sooner they will be able to do something for themselves, build a life of their own and see the situation for what it is, the easier they get to move on with life.

 Talking about it does help, it clears the lump out of your throat and eases the tension off the chest. If it gets the message across use it. Talk to your husband and let him know that it takes two to tango. Let everyone know you no longer consider yourself that lucky to be married woman anymore, because from all indications, the other man's grass is certainly greener and fresher. Simple.