Talking with Young Children About Death.

 

 Adults often feel that talking to young children about death is a waste of time, for what do they understand about life and death.

Honestly speaking, many adults find topics on life and death particularly very difficult to comprehend. We are all familiar with discussions and write-ups on; Life after death, where the soul goes when the body dies, do the dead mingle with the living?, how to talk to the death and all stuffs like that.

 There are more to mention when it comes to matters of life and death, all communicated with different understandings, beliefs, school of thoughts, research and interest which add less than it gives to the understanding of death and what happens after. So talking about death isn't that easy anyway.

If adults handle matters of life and death with caution, then, it is important that it should be discussed with the younger ones, but it should be kept plain and simple if it is to be served to children. ''Mummy where does the chicken go after being slaughtered?'', ''why are the dead buried in the ground and not in the garbage can?'', these are the questions children need the answers to and the adults in their lives should provide honest answers to them.

Why Talk With Children About Death?.
      It is useful and necessary to discuss death with a child especially when the child has actually suffered the loss of a loved one, witnessed a death or in some other way experienced the death of some other person. Children may also become curious about death for some other reasons.

When death occurs in the family, the children's world is thrown into chaos when they see people they love begin to behave in strange and difficult ways, like crying and wailing, burning pictures and articles of clothing that belongs to someone they know.

The children become worried even the more when they notice that familiar sources of emotional support are distorted.

   They begin to fear that their previously comfortable 'Disney' world is about to fall apart, hence, they become greatly disturbed and may begin to feel insecure, begin to lose concentration at school, stay up late at night wondering why someone they used to play with, suddenly disappears and wouldn't play with them anymore.

However, some children feel undisturbed and continue with their play and tricks, even at that, they tend to play outside their home, for they sense that the adults are not in the mood to play. but can't just understand why the adults wouldn't want to play with them anymore.

Talking With Bereaved Children.
   Bereaved children need to hear that the adults in their world will continue to love them, and that there will be few if any major changes in their way of life.

In short, at a time of bereavement, what children mostly need to hear is that their immediate world, especially the love and protection of their parents or parent will continue.

A first rule, therefore in talking with children about death is to give them ample reassurance about the continuity of life.

A second rule is to avoid figurative languages. Often, what seems to the adult to be supportive has the opposite effect on a child and thus causes the child additional fear and anxiety.

   Since children do not understand figurative language easily, they often take it quite literally. A child who is told that ''uncle has gone to sleep and won't be able to wake up again'' may develop a dread of going to sleep for fear of not being able to wake up again.

A child who is told that ''Jesus took daddy because he was good'' may desist from doing good for fear of being taken away from his mama by Jesus.

A child who is told that ''Grandpa traveled and may not return soon'' may continue to wait for his or her beloved grandpa to return from travel and may start to feel abandoned by grandpa after waiting for too long, only to learn that he was lied to in later years by the parents.

In talking with bereaved children about death, it is important to be honest, simple and to the point. It is appropriate to use the words ''death'' and ''dead'' for the child understands these terms best, and they are least likely to be misunderstood.

More emphasis should be given to reassuring the child about the continuation of his or her world than to explaining the intrinsic nature of death. The child, at the time of bereavement doesn't need a lecture on the concept of life and death, be sure immediately to say ''Don't worry sweet heart, I will always be there to play with'' ''would you like to go to the beach tomorrow?'', such words will give them comfort and make them feel that everything is still under control.

Similar guidelines apply when talking to non bereaved children about death. In such instances, it will be more beneficial to ask the child to answer his or her own questions. As indicated earlier, young children have quite elaborate ideas of death and they are ever willing to expound.

Listening to non bereaved children talk about death, we should show the  same concern for their needs as when we offer reassurance to bereaved children.

In both cases, what children learn about death is far less important than what they learn about life from those who love them.