Is an only child a lonely child

   Many people over the years has expressed their opinions concerning having one child, some were supportive and some against it strongly, condemning the European histologists and theorist with their ''population explosion theory'' regarding it as being totally inhuman and accusing the supposed rational theory as being irrational.

   But despite these innate attributes we still have families where there is only one child. Reasons are various altruistic, selfish, genetic and may of course be sheer luck, good or bad depending on how you look at it.

The parents and their only child can often be the target of a lot of pity and prejudice, much of which is unjustified. For given that there are disadvantages and advantages in being an only child, just as there are for children with brothers and sisters, the overall picture is great more balanced than many people imagine.

   Intellectually and academically for instance, there is a lot to be said in favour of the only child. It has been observed that the single child does very well at school. Most people believe that the in a large  family, brothers and sisters stimulate and teach each other, but this is not absolutely true. In fact, when you think about it, the reasons are obvious.

The parents, usually the mother of the first or only child has more time to devote to the child, to play with the child and to talk with or to the child. When she has more children, she becomes more busy and more likely to leave them to their own devices.

    Each child and particularly the younger one learns more especially about language than he would do from an adult. And since large families quite often have poorer housing with less play space, fewer toys and books than the more affluent single child families, it is easier to see who has the advantage.

Research does show that the more parents were involved in a child's formal education, the more the child is likely to forge ahead. Again, of course the parents who have the time and interest to bother visiting the school, are usually those not weighted down by the worries and responsibilities of coping with a large family.

   ''My father was one of seven children'' George says, the only son of a self made man who left school at age 14, studied at night and eventually got a professional qualification. But he never felt really secure, and was quite determined that a son of his was not going to suffer the way he did. So George's parents spent a lot of money on his education, he wouldn't have gone to the best school if he had to share the available cash. And they did everything they could to make sure he acquired the polish they felt they lacked. '' You could imagine how happy they were when I eventually became successful in life.'' he added.

   Although the educational advantages of being an only child are clear-cut, research into the emotional developments and personality of only children provides few unequivocal answers. Surprisingly, there are few studies on the subject, although this is the most important aspect to parents.

Usually, studies focus on first born because until other children come he is an only child, and he gets exclusive attention from his parents. As a toddler he suddenly isn't alone any more, if stories about emotional deprivation suffered by only child are true, there is even more about the trauma a first child experiences at the birth of a second.

    It has been observed by psychologists that only child will hunt out and enjoy the company of others, but won't necessary be sociable or popular, as they won't readily be sympathetic or find it easy to share others feelings. It is also interesting that although parents of only children get closely involved in their education, they are less close to them emotionally. Having no standards of comparison, they often treat their child very strictly and expect more from them.

   Sonya A for instance says that she made up for being alone by having imaginary companions, later she saw the quarrelling and rivalry that went on in other families. But at the age of 15 she felt the disadvantages,

 ''I began to hate being an only child, feeling that all my parents' hopes were invested in me, and whatever I become professionally or personally was of extreme importance to them. Really it is a great burden of responsibility, sometimes I wonder whether I was myself or my parents'.''
 
   Sonya was brought up in a more remote part of the country which she includes to what added to her problems. When she left home for university, she found herself being over sensitive and inexperienced in dealing with people.

 Even today an apparently calm, quite spoken girl in her early thirties, she still feels at a disadvantage. ''I have had a difficult time learning to accept peoples differences without being critical. For a long time I had no confidence whatsoever.

I think that many contacts should be provided for an only child, otherwise she tends to retreat into her own world when things get rough. With brothers and sisters  you can't avoid meeting other people and they force you to face the problems of living together and condoning each others mess.

    Although Sonya appreciates the advantages of being an only child, being better off materially, she has interrupted a promising career to have two children in less than two years. She did this because she feels strongly that if you want a child at all, you should have two or more.

 Growing up is something children should share, so is the burden of family problems. The only child faces these things alone.
 
   Being an only child could be scary, adventurous, boring, fun, comfortable and painful, all these are not mostly experienced by the parents, but by the only child who perhaps may be successful in life but unhappy  and timid.

Most parents want their children or child to be happy but this is more likely to happen when there is a family life.